*~*~*~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE MRACLE!!!~*~*~*~*~*

Kyle is 4 today!!!! I decided to write down a little bit of what happened on the day of his birth....it was written in ParentsPlace PAL but I can';t seem to find it anymore...
1*24*2002
I hadn't felt Kyle move all day and was FREAKING out!! I'd made it so far in this pregnancy and I was so scared I'd lost him at the end...I was rushed in for an emergency U/S and we found out that I had very little amniotic fluid left, so the dr moved up my c sxn to 11:30 am on 1/25. I did my bloodwork and went home to get my bag packed and get Trey squared away.
8 pm-- I had just tucked Trey into bed and was packing the last of my things in my bag for the hospital. No sooner had I gotten him to sleep then L&D called...I needed to get to the hosp immediately. My bw was abnormal and baby's health was being compromised and needed to be delivered NOW! YIKES!!! I was totally freaked, but had to keep it together to make sure everything got done for Trey while I was in the hosp.
I told Eddie what the nurse had said but it obviously didn't register...he didn't even take contact stuff to take his contacts out. He was planning on dropping my off at the hosp and coming back home! MEN!
In L&D, as soon as I said who I was, nurses were scrambling to get me settled in a room and do more b/w STAT.... Then we had to wait for the lab to run the tests and it came back even higher than before---my kindeys were shutting down, my liver was trying to do the work of both organs, and my bp was up to stroke level. They had all kinds of machines on standby in case I coded. I got 2 transfusions prior to surgery because they were afraid I'd bleed out.
My dr and the anesthesiologist argued about when to do the sxn and I heard my dr say if we wait we will lose BOTH of them! Holy cow! I'd been worried about the baby--I'd come too far to lose him now, but there was a possibility that I could die too!!!
Facing your own mortality is a scary thing. I looked at Eddie but he hadn't heard the dr say anything so I didn't tell him what I heard...I just started giving him all kinds of instructions about what I wanted if I didn't make it. he didn't get it at the time, but later when the dr told us it would be touch and go, it scared him too.
You know how there are moments in time that are etched in your mind forever? the scared look on Eddie's face as they wheeled me to the OR will be one I'll never forget. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again....My dr's last words before he put me under--"hang in there Robin. I'm going to do all I can to pull you through!" Great! Just what I wanted to hear as I'm drifting off to sleep!
In the OR, there was a NICU team on standby, as well as a cardiology team, in addition to all of the OB team. It was pretty crowded. I found out later, that the nursery nurses had a prayer time for me while I was in the OR...I was known throughout the hosp! LOL
Even with all of that, we made it through and I now have a precious 4 year old getting moved to the PRE-K room at school next week!! and starting soccer next month! I look at that precious little boy and I thank God for allowing me to make it through a very difficult situation so that I can watch him and his brother grow up!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING KYLE

scattered thoughts from a sad mommy

I'm worried about Trey. In the past 2 weeks, he's called me three times because he's forgotten things he's needed for school. Luckily, in all 3 cases, I was able to bring it to him almost immediately, but I know that won't always be the case. Normally, he is not that scattered, so I know this is a new development.

According to websites on grief in children, this is a normal reaction to the loss of a loved one. I realize he has to go through all these stages in order to work through his grief, but oh my goodness, it is breaking my heart to watch him struggle like this. The MOM in me wants to hold him close, kiss him and make the pain go away, but the PROFESSIONAL me knows he needs to process his feelings in order to move on. The hard part is knowing WHEN to be MOM and when to be grief counselor....

I've decided to make a scrapbook and have Trey help me...I'll give him some pictures and let him make a page or two (or as many as he wants). I'll probably let Kyle make some too, even though I really don't think he comprehends that Grandma is no longer with us. But it can't hurt ---- I take a lot of pictures so I know I can find some good ones. I made a dvd of pictures of the boys with both sets of grandparents for Christmas, so I can pull a few pictures off of that if necessary, but I have a bunch of others also.

Trey and I are reading a book about forgetting a grandparent when they die. We're just getting started, so I don't know how it will turn out, but so far so good.....

You know, it's just not fair!!! Eddie and I both have grandmothers who are in their 80s or 90s. Why did my boys have to lose one of their grandmothers at only 65??? That's way too young to die---there is so much she will miss.....graduations, weddings, their first car, the birth of Trey's or Kyle's first child.

May She Rest in Peace.....

This is hard for me to write....it may take me several attempts to put my thoughts down in type, but it definitely needs to be recorded.

One week ago today, my mother-in-law passed away. It was very unexpected so none of us were prepared for the news. We can take solace in the fact that she went very quickly and thus without much pain, but she was only 65 years old, and she should have been around for us for many many more years.

You hear all those mother-in-law jokes about ladies who are total buttinskis who are always giving their opinions or letting you know that you're not good enough for their sons. I was very blessed to NOT have one of those types of ladies.......We had a very good relationship and I have many very precious memories that just the two of us shared.....

Like when I lost my first baby and she held me and cried with me because we both were mourning our loss. She knew how very very much we wanted another child and it hurt her to see us in pain. She worried over all of her children, but kept it to herself because she didn't want to add to our worries.

I loved her potato salad and she always made it for our family picnics and made a big batch for me after both of our babies were born. I asked her once how she made it and she told me it was no big deal....no special recipe....but she left us before I got the recipe. Guess I'll just have to use trial and error until I get it right...

At many of our family gatherings, especially picnics at the park, she and I sat back and watched the guys play frisbee or toss washers....those times were when we had some great talks....it may not have been about anything important but it was enjoyable to just bring her up to date with the boys' antics and talk about the family.

Having the family together for Christmas Eve was so special......Eddie and I decorated the house so pretty for the holidays and we wanted everything to be perfect. I baked and cooked and we had a nice little meal before opening presents. It was noisy but it was the sounds of laughter and teasing and joy. The great thing was that all 3 children and their spouses and children were here. We were only missing the 2 oldest grandchildren, who are grown and out on their own, working and starting families of their own with new traditions. I didn't take a lot of pictures....I should have, but I just sat back and watched everyone enjoying a wonderful day. I was so happy----in a new home, surrounded by a family that loved me.....what else did I need??? My blessings just seemed to overflow.

I left the party early because I had to drive to Austin to pick up my parents. The last words I heard from Moma are still etched in my brain, "Thank you for a wonderful day. I love you, please drive safely."

My heart is aching because I see my loved ones in such pain.....she was such a vital part of this family and there is a HUGE void left unfilled. I think of all the things I never told her and should have like thank you for raising such a wonderful son and teaching him how to show love and to treat me like a queen. Thank you for opening your heart and your home to a strange woman and welcoming her with open arms into the fold. Thank you for always listening to my silly questions about raising boys and for all the suggestions you had for me even when I didn't always listen or take your advice. Thank you for the encouragement you gave me to keep trying when it looked like we'd never have those 2 precious boys. Thank you for loving my boys even when they were throwing temper tantrums or didn't want anybody but Mommy. Thanks for never treating me like an outsider....I always felt like I belonged. I wish I'd told her I'm sorry for not finding more time to just listen....I wish I knew more about her life as a child, and Eddie's life as a little boy. I wish we'd come over earlier so we could have cooked together and I could have learned her secret for making beans and rice....mine never turns out as good as hers. And most of all I wish I'd told her I loved her more often...I guess I just assumed she knew.....

Grandma.....Moma........you were very much loved. And nothing or nobody can fill the emptiness you left behind....


This picture was taken the day we told her Kyle was on the way.....one of the happiest days of both of our lives.

Christmas Thoughts

Wow! What a whirlwind Christmas vacation I had! It started out so wonderfully...I finished my Christmas shopping early so I didn't have to deal with the crazy crowds...Kyle was still in preschool so Trey and I went to see "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" at the new theater by our house. It was WONDERFUL!! defintiely worth seeing again! Then the boys and I spent a day making cookies for Santa and for all the people that would be at our house for the holidays.

Christmas Eve was FANTASTIC!! Eddie's family came over lunch and I made lasagna. We opened Christmas presents and laughed and rejoiced over the time spent together. Grandma and Grandpa got Trey a big soccer table for the gameroom and Kyle got a smaller tabletop version. Daddy and Uncle Louis put it together and then Daddy and Grandpa played Trey and Uncle Louis. Grandma laughed and cheered for whoever was winning at the time. :o)
I didn't get to see the BIG GAME because I'd left to go to Austin to pick up my parents who spent the next week with us. Kyle was so excited about Santa coming that night, so he had Grandma help him get on his new pajamas and get ready for bed. He tried to help Grandpa and Daddy, too, but mostly cheered with Grandma.

Hi! Did ya miss me????

HOLY CATFISH!!! It's been a LOOOOOONG time since I even came to this site! My life took a CRAZY turn and I just couldn't find ANY time to post! Part of the problem is because the School district decided that blogging cut into my teaching time and put a block on the site. I cant access it from school anymore and that was the PERFECT time for me to write.

Oh well....It's a new year and hopefully I can get back to it again. At least that's my New Yr's resolution---to write down about my memories. I want my kids to have something to read when I'm gone, so that they know the REAL me. So many of my posts from now on may be directed to my children but since it will be insights into my life, I'm willing to share with all.

I chose this picture because it shows my treasures----Trey and Kyle playing in our kitchen. Mon and Dad were here and Eddie and I were playing cards with them while the boys raced their loud monster trucks thru the kitchen...our house was noisy but filled with the sounds of laughter, teasing, playful arguments and most of all LOVE.