Sunday was Mother's Day. I sat in church between my wonderful husband and my handsome almost teenaged son. It's not often that Trey worships with us, because he is involved in youth activities and usually sits with his friends. (This time, his friends sat with us.) :o) As I sat there, I reflected back on past Mother's Days....back to 2002, when Kyle was dedicated...then to 1997, when I celebrated my first Mother's Day--Trey was almost a year old and I was so happy......to 1996, when I was pregnant with Trey, but had to stay home in bed that day because I had PIH ( pregnancy induced hypertension).....to 1994 and 95, when I was so heart broken because I once again was NOT a mom yet, and the future looked so bleak......to the many Mother's Days I spent with my mom and some even with grandmothers. I realized, once again, how very very blessed I am. Even when life looked so dark, God had it all under control. He knew what I couldn't see...the love, the happiness, the struggles, the pain, the tears of joy and sorrow, the proud moments......He was there through all of it....never failing me. Never abandoning me. Celebrating. Loving. Giving.
How can I NOT praise Him? He gave 2 precious sons, who are my reasons for living.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
God's Timing
A very dear friend of mine messaged me last night on Facebook. ( yes....that's where I've been. I know I have MUCH I need to share here, but for some reason, my creativity, which was never around a lot anyway, seems to be on an extended vacation. I have thoughts that swirl around my brain, especially at 3 or 4 AM!! But for some reason, the thoughts never make it from my brain to my fingers.)
Anyway....back to my friend's message. She is struggling with infertility and my heart goes out to her and her fabulous hubby because I've been there. In fact, I stayed there for a very long visit. Too long. Nobody should have to suffer that long on such an emotional roller coaster. She is near the beginning of her journey and shared that she had cried twice yesterday just because she wants this so badly and is afraid it's not going to happen. Yet. Ah the tears. If I could have bottled up the tears I shed while trying to conceive, I would have the greenest yard on the cul de sac this August.....no drought for me!
She asked me how I did it for so long....3 years for Trey and 3 years, then a miscarriage and 5 more months for Kyle. I couldn't give her an answer. At least not a concrete answer... I don't know HOW I got through those long painful years of shots, fertility drugs, blood tests and pee sticks. All I could say was first of all I had a patient husband who loved me ---who held me when I cried when once again, the test was negative or when another friend called me to tell me her wonderful news....she was expecting and I wasn't. He's the one who kept me sane when I wanted to throw my thermometer across the room and never take another temp. ( I don't want to admit how many I broke when they hit the closet door.) He's the one who kept me from scratching out the eyeballs of a well intentioned, albeit quite fertile friend who told me I just needed to get a dog! ( Uh...no...I didn't want a dog---I wanted a child!)
But the main thing that helped me through that time in my life was the knowledge that I didn't have to be in control....God had it all planned for me and while I didn't understand why it couldn't be RIGHT NOW, I was able to accept that HE KNEW BEST. One of the verses I claimed over and over was Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" I claimed that promise....over and over and over and over.
Philippians 4:11 "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." This verse was given to me in a Sunday School class...2 of my closest friends had just announced their pregnancies earlier in the week, and I prayed and asked God for something to help me to be happy for them even though I was fighting jealousy and envy because I wasn't pregnant too.
Today my friend is going to the dr for a bloodtest and I've been praying for her all morning. And just now, God gave me a song for her.....It's from the movie "Fireproof":
Looking back, from the other side of infertility, I can see that I did that.....and God rewarded my patience and my very long wait with two incredible gifts. And everyday, when I drop Kyle off at school or talk to Trey about what's going on in his life, I thank God for his good and perfect timing, because no other gifts could fit our family so perfectly.
Anyway....back to my friend's message. She is struggling with infertility and my heart goes out to her and her fabulous hubby because I've been there. In fact, I stayed there for a very long visit. Too long. Nobody should have to suffer that long on such an emotional roller coaster. She is near the beginning of her journey and shared that she had cried twice yesterday just because she wants this so badly and is afraid it's not going to happen. Yet. Ah the tears. If I could have bottled up the tears I shed while trying to conceive, I would have the greenest yard on the cul de sac this August.....no drought for me!
She asked me how I did it for so long....3 years for Trey and 3 years, then a miscarriage and 5 more months for Kyle. I couldn't give her an answer. At least not a concrete answer... I don't know HOW I got through those long painful years of shots, fertility drugs, blood tests and pee sticks. All I could say was first of all I had a patient husband who loved me ---who held me when I cried when once again, the test was negative or when another friend called me to tell me her wonderful news....she was expecting and I wasn't. He's the one who kept me sane when I wanted to throw my thermometer across the room and never take another temp. ( I don't want to admit how many I broke when they hit the closet door.) He's the one who kept me from scratching out the eyeballs of a well intentioned, albeit quite fertile friend who told me I just needed to get a dog! ( Uh...no...I didn't want a dog---I wanted a child!)
But the main thing that helped me through that time in my life was the knowledge that I didn't have to be in control....God had it all planned for me and while I didn't understand why it couldn't be RIGHT NOW, I was able to accept that HE KNEW BEST. One of the verses I claimed over and over was Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" I claimed that promise....over and over and over and over.
Philippians 4:11 "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." This verse was given to me in a Sunday School class...2 of my closest friends had just announced their pregnancies earlier in the week, and I prayed and asked God for something to help me to be happy for them even though I was fighting jealousy and envy because I wasn't pregnant too.
Today my friend is going to the dr for a bloodtest and I've been praying for her all morning. And just now, God gave me a song for her.....It's from the movie "Fireproof":
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead,
bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
No! Say it isn't so!!
Has it really been almost 2 months since I posted? I never updated our Christmas trip or Kyle's birthday or anything?
I hate to admit it, but I've been bitten by the Facebook bug and catching up with old high school buddies has taken priority.
But I PROMISE to be a much better blogger in the future, and I will even go back and write about what's been happening since I last appreciated my boys.
They may not come in order, because I already have a thought swirling in my head that deals with my anniversary yesterday, so I'll start there, and work backwards and go forwards both at the same time....this should be interesting!
Hang on----it could be a bumpy ride! LOL
I hate to admit it, but I've been bitten by the Facebook bug and catching up with old high school buddies has taken priority.
But I PROMISE to be a much better blogger in the future, and I will even go back and write about what's been happening since I last appreciated my boys.
They may not come in order, because I already have a thought swirling in my head that deals with my anniversary yesterday, so I'll start there, and work backwards and go forwards both at the same time....this should be interesting!
Hang on----it could be a bumpy ride! LOL
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