Anyway....back to my friend's message. She is struggling with infertility and my heart goes out to her and her fabulous hubby because I've been there. In fact, I stayed there for a very long visit. Too long. Nobody should have to suffer that long on such an emotional roller coaster. She is near the beginning of her journey and shared that she had cried twice yesterday just because she wants this so badly and is afraid it's not going to happen. Yet. Ah the tears. If I could have bottled up the tears I shed while trying to conceive, I would have the greenest yard on the cul de sac this August.....no drought for me!
She asked me how I did it for so long....3 years for Trey and 3 years, then a miscarriage and 5 more months for Kyle. I couldn't give her an answer. At least not a concrete answer... I don't know HOW I got through those long painful years of shots, fertility drugs, blood tests and pee sticks. All I could say was first of all I had a patient husband who loved me ---who held me when I cried when once again, the test was negative or when another friend called me to tell me her wonderful news....she was expecting and I wasn't. He's the one who kept me sane when I wanted to throw my thermometer across the room and never take another temp. ( I don't want to admit how many I broke when they hit the closet door.) He's the one who kept me from scratching out the eyeballs of a well intentioned, albeit quite fertile friend who told me I just needed to get a dog! ( Uh...no...I didn't want a dog---I wanted a child!)
But the main thing that helped me through that time in my life was the knowledge that I didn't have to be in control....God had it all planned for me and while I didn't understand why it couldn't be RIGHT NOW, I was able to accept that HE KNEW BEST. One of the verses I claimed over and over was Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" I claimed that promise....over and over and over and over.
Philippians 4:11 "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." This verse was given to me in a Sunday School class...2 of my closest friends had just announced their pregnancies earlier in the week, and I prayed and asked God for something to help me to be happy for them even though I was fighting jealousy and envy because I wasn't pregnant too.
Today my friend is going to the dr for a bloodtest and I've been praying for her all morning. And just now, God gave me a song for her.....It's from the movie "Fireproof":
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead,
bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
1 comment:
Robin, I am so glad that God has given me you. You bring His sunshine into my life. My hubby, is like yours, incredibly wonderful during all of this. This has been a difficult week for various different reasons and also this struggle with infertility. I have in various forms in my house the verse "Be Still and KNOW that I AM God". He is my rock. He wants me to come and rest in HIs lap and KNOW that He KNOWS. I know that he is holding my hand and every cycle when one thing or another doesn't happen "yet", He puts his arms around me and holds me while I cry.
I am also thankful that, through His constant talking to me, I have not forgotten that He created me for more than just being a mommy one day! The verse in Jeremiah doesn't say that He has one "plan" but it is plural. I have many different purposes. So I can't forget that its not about the destination, Its about the journey and all we get to experience and be a part of on the way.
A good friend told me that she tries to think on the daily blessings while hoping for her hearts desire. I have an incredible life, incredible Godly husband and friends and family that love me dearly. I tell them when I am not having a good day and that I am sorrowful and they love me and give me space to feel what I feel. Some can't understand, but they try and walk with me. Some do understand and cry with me.
Yes, it is hard when I still have empty arms. I try not to let it consume me but some days are difficult, especially when I am on so many specific meds that are to be taken at specific times on specific days. Sometimes it is all you can think about because there is so much to keep track of. It does get emotionally taxing.
So we take one day and cycle at a time. Its all we can do. I am thankful to have a friend like you that I can lean on. I am sorry that you had to go through all of that, but I am so thankful that you did so I would know that I am not out here by myself. Sorry if that sounds selfish but I KNOW God uses all things for good. He takes the struggles we go through and down the line, uses them for His glory. I lean on that.
You are such a dear friend. (sorry so long) :-)
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