May She Rest in Peace.....

This is hard for me to write....it may take me several attempts to put my thoughts down in type, but it definitely needs to be recorded.

One week ago today, my mother-in-law passed away. It was very unexpected so none of us were prepared for the news. We can take solace in the fact that she went very quickly and thus without much pain, but she was only 65 years old, and she should have been around for us for many many more years.

You hear all those mother-in-law jokes about ladies who are total buttinskis who are always giving their opinions or letting you know that you're not good enough for their sons. I was very blessed to NOT have one of those types of ladies.......We had a very good relationship and I have many very precious memories that just the two of us shared.....

Like when I lost my first baby and she held me and cried with me because we both were mourning our loss. She knew how very very much we wanted another child and it hurt her to see us in pain. She worried over all of her children, but kept it to herself because she didn't want to add to our worries.

I loved her potato salad and she always made it for our family picnics and made a big batch for me after both of our babies were born. I asked her once how she made it and she told me it was no big deal....no special recipe....but she left us before I got the recipe. Guess I'll just have to use trial and error until I get it right...

At many of our family gatherings, especially picnics at the park, she and I sat back and watched the guys play frisbee or toss washers....those times were when we had some great talks....it may not have been about anything important but it was enjoyable to just bring her up to date with the boys' antics and talk about the family.

Having the family together for Christmas Eve was so special......Eddie and I decorated the house so pretty for the holidays and we wanted everything to be perfect. I baked and cooked and we had a nice little meal before opening presents. It was noisy but it was the sounds of laughter and teasing and joy. The great thing was that all 3 children and their spouses and children were here. We were only missing the 2 oldest grandchildren, who are grown and out on their own, working and starting families of their own with new traditions. I didn't take a lot of pictures....I should have, but I just sat back and watched everyone enjoying a wonderful day. I was so happy----in a new home, surrounded by a family that loved me.....what else did I need??? My blessings just seemed to overflow.

I left the party early because I had to drive to Austin to pick up my parents. The last words I heard from Moma are still etched in my brain, "Thank you for a wonderful day. I love you, please drive safely."

My heart is aching because I see my loved ones in such pain.....she was such a vital part of this family and there is a HUGE void left unfilled. I think of all the things I never told her and should have like thank you for raising such a wonderful son and teaching him how to show love and to treat me like a queen. Thank you for opening your heart and your home to a strange woman and welcoming her with open arms into the fold. Thank you for always listening to my silly questions about raising boys and for all the suggestions you had for me even when I didn't always listen or take your advice. Thank you for the encouragement you gave me to keep trying when it looked like we'd never have those 2 precious boys. Thank you for loving my boys even when they were throwing temper tantrums or didn't want anybody but Mommy. Thanks for never treating me like an outsider....I always felt like I belonged. I wish I'd told her I'm sorry for not finding more time to just listen....I wish I knew more about her life as a child, and Eddie's life as a little boy. I wish we'd come over earlier so we could have cooked together and I could have learned her secret for making beans and rice....mine never turns out as good as hers. And most of all I wish I'd told her I loved her more often...I guess I just assumed she knew.....

Grandma.....Moma........you were very much loved. And nothing or nobody can fill the emptiness you left behind....


This picture was taken the day we told her Kyle was on the way.....one of the happiest days of both of our lives.